I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
