I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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