Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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