So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
