I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
