At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
