lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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