zippers are such a cool invention
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He better not be in your backpack
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
