The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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