I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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