I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
