i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
