Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize