my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
