I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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