just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
