So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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