i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
