And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
