just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
