i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
