I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
