we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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