I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
