My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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