when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
