just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
