I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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