So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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