i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
