Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
