i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
