if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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