well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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