fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
