did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
