I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm passing your future prison.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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