me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
