My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
