and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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