my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
