Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
