I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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