Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
