Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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