I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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