He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
