I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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