I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
