I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
there is puke in my bra ... again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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