Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
