I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
