I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
