I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
