Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
