its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize