Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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