you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize