The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
