i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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