i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
