I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
