i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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