he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
