btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
