all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
