I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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