i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
