I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
