she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
