I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
