when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
