You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
